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by Brett Singer
I Got Lee On My Legs / Sneakers On My Feet
D By My Side / And Jay With The Beat
My Adidas
Walking down two-fifth street
Funky fresh and yes
Cold on my feet
- Run-DMC, from the songs "Rockbox" and "My Adidas"
Uh-oh - I'm getting…HAPPY FEET!
- Steve Martin
Without sounding like a fetishist, it is time for us to discuss a very important part of men's fashion - their feet, or more accurately, what goes on them. We're not talking about socks (that's another column). We mean shoes, guys. Shoes, shoes, shoes.
The American fascination with footstuffs has been revealed several times in recent years - Imelda Marcos' now infamous closet filled with 3000 pairs of festive footwear, that guy who broke into Trump Tower just to spend some quality time with Mrs. Trump's pumps. The average dude, however, has not shown a great deal of interest in what to put on his tender tootsies. Here, then, is the GuyShop Guide To Great Shoes:
1. Sneakers: Every man owns at least one pair of sneaks that he simply will not part with, no matter how much his wife/mother/local fire department may threaten him. Men love their stinky old Vans, Nikes, New Balance or whatever. At some point though, a man's so-called "athletic footwear" ("Athletic? But I wear them to work everyday!") will need to be replaced, if only to keep Russia from re-starting the Cold War to stop the stench from slipping over to their side of the sea.
When this happens (replacing the sneakers, not Russia bombing the U.S. - don't wait that long, guys!), head over to Foot Locker or your local shoe store (New York City dwellers have Harry's Shoes, for example). Local places tend to have a slightly worse selection, and may not have the latest and greatest (read: most expensive) Air Whoevers, but they will give you a little bit more personal attention and see that the shoes you purchase fit well. This is important since you probably do not plan on replacing that purchase for another fifteen or twenty years.
While you are there, why not make life easier and buy two pairs? If you find something that you really like, buy two of the same thing. That way you can rotate them, thus extending their life and preventing you from having to go sneaker shopping again for, like, thirty years. Cool.
2. Work Shoes: Like it or not, unless you work at home or at Yahoo! or Microsoft, you will most likely need a pair of "real" shoes at some point in your career. For example, showing up for a job interview in our beloved old Converse high-tops is tacky at best. That does not mean you have to completely sacrifice the comfort of casual sneaks. Our favorite comfy yet classy shoes are Rockports. They come in a variety of styles, and each is cut differently, so try on as many as you need to (maybe three pairs total, including your sneakers, should do it -- you don't want to go TOO crazy). The Rockport Web site gives their ten commandments of shoes with advice like: "Trace the bottoms of your feet, cut out both tracings and bring them when you shop;" "Shop in the afternoon. Your feet can swell up to a full size by then." To find a store near you (and more comfy-feet advice) check out www.rockport.com.
3. Formal Shoes: Okay. There's no way around this one, so we're just going to come right out and tell it like it is. Okay. Here goes…THEY ARE NOT COMFORTABLE. Sorry, guys, but that's just the way it is. Get over it. Whew. That's out of the way. Still with us? Good. The upside to this is that there is very little in the way of choice, which means much less time scouring stores for shoes that fit. (More advice from the good people at Rockport: "Do not buy them if they're not comfortable. Most shoes do not 'stretch' or 'break in.' There should be no points of pain or rubbing." Indeed.)
If you are a frequent tux-wearer, you may want to go with the traditional "shiny-style" shoes (think Vegas lounge act, only classier). For maximum bang for your buck, look for something more subdued, Dude -- basically, a pair of plain black shoes that shine nicely WHEN POLISHED and look formal when worn with formal wear, but look like any other pair of nice shoes when worn with a suit.
This brings up another point, namely that your formal shoes are likely to be the most expensive pair you own (unless you bought the new Air Nudnik sneakers with the flashing lights and the dishwasher on them, in which case you have other problems we don't have room for here), and thus should be worn only to formal occasions. Don't ruin them by playing baseball, football or PlayStation in them. They should remain in your closet, in the original wrapping, until such time as you need to dig them out. Everything else -- wear your sneakers. That's what they're there for.
This is pretty much all you need to know about shoes, men. You may be asking yourself -- so how come Imelda (not to mention my wife/girlfriend/significant other) has so many pairs of shoes? Don't I need lots of shoes? Well, no. Stick with what we've listed above, and that should keep your feet happy, healthy and unlikely to cause a nuclear holocaust. Happy Shopping!
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