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by Brett Singer
"Just
go to
www.allthejunkinmyclosetIdontuse.com for great deals!" If you haven't been living under a rock for the past two years (and maybe even if you have) you've heard the stories - virtual bargain-hunters are finding great deals on computers, Beanie Babies and Lear jets, not at retail online shopping outlets, but at auction. GuyShop went undercover (okay, we bid on some stuff) to find out just what this auction craze is all about.
1. What It Is (and what it is NOT)
Online auctions work very much like traditional auctions. Sellers offer items for sale, bidders bid, somebody wins and a whole lot of somebodies lose. One of the big differences between online and 'brick and mortar' auctions are the items offered for sale. Sotheby's is unlikely to offer up the latest Beck CD, and eBay is unlikely to have a Monet. Also, many well-known retailers now use auctions as a way to unload excess merchandise. Companies such as Dell, Compaq and several other well-known computer makers offer last year's (or last week's) models at prices that can be quite appealing.
Therein lies the caveat for budding bidders. Bargains abound, but be careful not to get caught up in auction fever. Many people get so excited about 'winning' (men, we're sure you have NO idea what we're talking about) that they overpay for stuff that they normally wouldn't pay a dime for. A Pentium 133mhz laptop with a passive-matrix screen isn't worth $1500 no matter how much fun it is to bid on it.
That said, it is possible to find neat stuff, and even high-end neat stuff. A recent email missive from Lycos Auctions (http://auctions.lycos.com/) featured the following: oil paintings, men's fashions, Bruce Springsteen tickets (including backstage passes), autographed pictures of Christina Aguilera and a guitar autographed by Eric Clapton ("Slowhand's Axe," they put it -- cute, though not as cute as Ms. Aguilera -- did you see her at the Grammy's? Yowza! But I digress). Basically, buyer beware, and practice restraint. The Palm V you think you are getting a good deal on could be $50 cheaper at retail. Plus, an autographed photo from JimmyJoe4022@aol.com just might not be authentic.
2. An Auction Tale From The Trenches
To find out what this whole auction thing was about, we bid on a few items. Here are the results:
- Dell Inspiron Laptop, Intel Celeron 300mhz, 32MB RAM, Windows '95. Opening bid: $1. Our bid: $2. Our next bid, one hour later: $851. Email notification received 1 day later - our bid is losing! Argh! Rush to the site and see that bidding has now reached a fever pitch, the current winning bid is $1472. We give up and console ourselves by curling up with a copy of Computer Shopper.
- NEC MultiSpeed laptop, 386 Processor, color screen, no hard drive. Also known as 'a doorstop.' Opening bid: $1. Our bid: $1. Our next bid, two days later: $4. Two days go by. We're gonna win! One day later, an email is sent at 11:45pm - our bid is losing, and the auction closes in fifteen minutes! Unfortunately, the message was received at 9:00am the next morning. The winning bidder paid $6. We go out into the street and pick up a brick to keep our door open.
- Fossilized bones of a T. Rex. No joke. Opening bid: $4 million. Unfortunately, we are unable to convince the seller that we are, in fact, in possession of the required minimum bid (the argument, "Hey, the guy on 'Who Want To Marry A Multi-Millionaire?' wasn't that rich either!" fails to sway them). Console ourselves by going to Museum of Natural History and gazing longingly at the dinosaur bones. Mmm...dinosaur bones.
3 bids, 3 losses - not a great track record, but then again, now we have enough cash left to bid on that Christina Aguilera picture. So why do men do it? A few theories:
1. Competition: Many of the auction shoppers are men (this is a statistic that we read somewhere but forgot where -- sorry). Men like sports, and more than actually playing sports, they like to watch sports. Online auctions are a sport that men can 'play' without any physical exertion. And unlike video games, there's a chance you might actually win something!
2. Bargain-hunting: Women may be more inclined to hit the stores for sales, but that doesn't mean men don't like to save money. Most guys are looking for the best value for their dollar, especially when purchasing electronics (an oft bid upon auction category). Auctions offer a great way for guys to get the most for their bucks, all without getting up off their butts!
3. We Are Sheep: "If everybody jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it too?" No, but if Tony said that he got a laptop, scanner, AND a picture of Christina Aguilera for under 500 bucks on eBay, most men would run to their computers, log on and start bidding (even if they KNEW Tony was full of it).
Do you have any auction experiences you'd like to share? If so, write and tell us! And before you shop, remember GuyShop's Auction Rules:
1. The highest bid wins.
2. The lowest bid loses.
3. Some things aren't worth bidding on and therefore the guy who DOESN'T BID AT ALL is really the winner.
Happy Bidding!
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