MEN'S STYLE: How To Get In Shape For Spring by Brett Singer If you ever go to Florence, Italy, make sure to see Michelangelo's "David." The most striking aspect of this incredible work of art is the detail -- every muscle, every vein of the male body is rendered meticulously. On a more personal level, be careful when visiting the statue with your significant other. David has spent a LOT of time at the gym, and you will inevitably look wimpy by comparison. Luckily, nobody (at least nobody SANE) expects a man to look like he was chiseled out of stone hundreds of years ago. But that doesn't mean you are off the hook, dudes. Follow our advice and you can look, well, good. Not work-of-art good, but good all the same. 1. Food This is so important that we can't stress it enough. So we'll say it again: FOOD. Got it? Good. Good foods are: - Oatmeal - Egg whites - Fruits and vegetables NOT good foods are: - Lucky Charms - Pork sausages - Jellybeans This is not to say that you can't eat anything you like - pretty much any foodstuff is fine in moderation (except maybe for the pork sausages -- eat those and you may not LOOK like a buff statue, but you'll WEIGH about as much as one). Jellybeans, for example, are fine as long as you get some exercise (see #2). A good rule is if you feel (a) bloated, (b) ill or (c) guilty, you should probably just go eat some oatmeal. As Wilford Brimley famously (if annoyingly) said, "It's the right thing to do." 2. Exercise And no, frantically typing an email to your broker ("Sell! Sell! Sell!") doesn't count. Exercise is always important, even more so when you want to be in good shape for the coming warm weather. Good exercises are: - Crunches - Running - Free weights When crunching, don't use the old method popularized by proto-Satanic phys. ed. teachers (remember: "those who can, do; those who can't, teach; and those who can't teach, teach gym." Woody Allen, I think) of flopping up and down and up and down like a flounder. Come up only enough to feel the burn, which, if you are doing it right, you will. If you are unsure of the right way to crunch, watch someone near you, preferably someone in better shape than you (don't oogle too much or you will be caught and thrown out of the gym). Running is good either in the park (depending on where you live -- let's be careful out there) or on a treadmill. The best free weight exercises to do are arm curls (two sets of 15 per arm) and anything for your shoulders (try doing a "flying" exercise with dumbbells -- hold your arms at your sides, and lift your arms up so that you make a "t" shape. Repeat 15 or 20 times). Arms and shoulders help you to look good in a suit or t-shirt, something that always makes the babes come runnin'. Remember, it's not summer yet. You don't have to take off your shirt. It's not warm enough, and you may very well not have lost enough of that winter flab to look good enough to be at least a little embarrassed. BAD exercises are: - crunching on peanut brittle - sending email (unless you hand deliver it to a location at least 50 blocks away, which somewhat defeats the purpose) - lifting the television remote (there's nothing on, so you may as well leave it on the channel you're already watching and do some arm curls) 3. Clothing Once you get down to a decent weight and have done enough exercise that you don't look like a fatty-boombalatty (something an eight year old once used to describe a rather chunkified person -- I think it's Latin for "hefty") it's time to dress the part. Again, it is not summer yet, but it is warmer than it was a month ago. Pick up several of those Izod-style three-button collared t-shirts (you probably spilled barbecue sauce on at least some of them last year). The old "no white pants before Memorial Day" rules are fine, but we suggest no white pants AT ALL -- too "Miami Vice." Take advantage of the not-that-hot-yet weather by wearing jeans and khakis; with cotton dress pants for the office. Warmer does mean brighter colors, so white shirts instead of dark blue, although black pants are fine. If you look good, show off with a shirt that fits better than average, either a custom-made one or one that is exactly your size, instead of slightly larger to hide your unsightly flab. Follow these tips and you will lay the foundation to be all set to get into even BETTER shape for summer -- bathing suit time. Isn't the modern world fun? Happy Spring, everyone. back to writing samples