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by Brett Singer
"Bootleg gin, porkpie hat..."
- James Taylor, "Valentine's Day" (www.james-taylor.com/albums/valentines.shtml)
Men don't have nearly as many fashion options as women. For formal occasions, a tuxedo; for business, a suit; for sitting-around-the-house-playing-Sony-Playstation, the T-shirt your wife thinks she threw out when you weren't looking (you took it out of the garbage when SHE wasn't looking). That's why the few accessories we do have -- ties, hats, cufflinks, games for our Sony Playstation -- are so important. For this column, we will focus on oft-neglected headgear -- yes, hats -- which we have recently spotted slinking down runways as the latest for fall for men and women.
A (Very) Brief History Of Hats
The popular Stetson (http://www.stetsonhat.com) dates back to 1865, when, "with $100, John B. Stetson rented a small room, bought the tools he needed, bought $10 worth of fur and the John B. Stetson Hat Company was born." Stetson transformed hats and the hat industry with his "Boss of the Plains" hat. With his success, he also changed the image of hatters as "unreliable, lazy, or aloof, only looking to make his money and go have fun." Interestingly, Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland was published the same year Stetson made his hat. The Mad Hatter's craziness was based on a "disease caused by inhaling the fumes of mercuric nitrate, used in the felting of animal furs for hat-making."
Enter stage left: The ubiquitous sports cap, the traditionally "anti-elitist" (www.cmcc.muse.digital.ca/membrs/canhist/hats/sploreng.html) hat worn by baseball players and adopted by other sports for fans to wear in the stands.
So why wear a hat? According to the "Hold Onto Your Hats!" web site (http://www.cmcc.muse.digital.ca/membrs/canhist/hats/hat00eng.html), hats are worn for many reasons, including "to keep warm in winter, for your job, to look good, for playing hockey or riding a bicycle, [or] because all your friends wear baseball caps." GuyShop offers this guide to wearing headgear:
Reason #1: You Have No Hair
Have you seen that Yahoo! commercial where the bald guy (he has, like, two hairs) goes online and gets himself a really big Afro wig? Or the Rogaine ad where the guy is cleaning his apartment because he's having a woman over for the first time -- BUT HE'S WEARING A BASEBALL CAP, BECAUSE HE'S BALD? Yes men, it could happen to you, if it hasn't already. When you notice there is more hair on your back and in your ears than on your head, it may be time to give in and get a hat. But don't despair, Mr. No More Hair -- hats can be fun! (Not as much fun as having hair was, but you take what you can get.) Hats go with almost everything, so a collection of baseball hats from your favorite teams (all of which can be found at the aptly named Hatboy web site -- www.hatboy.com is a good place to start. For more formal hats, try a porkpie or an Indiana Jones-style fedora - very classy. All of these options will hide your baldpate better than a case of Rogaine.
Reason #2: You Are In A Swing Band (Or Just Want To Pick Up Swing Band Groupies)
Swing is in, and if you want to look like a jumpin', jivin' and wailin' cool cat, the get yourself a porkpie hat, daddy-o. Worth & Worth hats has a nice selection (www.hatshop.com).
Reason #3: You Never Quite Got Over The "I Want To Be A Cowboy When I Grow Up" Phase
Cowboys are most often identified by their boots, horses - and of course, their hats. An online cowboy hat exhibit (http://www.buffalobill.org/cowboyha.htm) is a good place to start moseying around, and when you decide to giddyap, you can't go wrong with the afore-mentioned Stetson (http://www.stetsonhat.com/). The Clearwater Hat Company (http://www.clearwaterhats.com/) has a good selection as well (see the "Old West" section). Now all you need is a horse! (http://www.horsesonline.net) I wonder if my lease allows horses - well maybe if it was small (http://www.miniaturehorses.com)
Reason #4: You Just Gotta Be Different
If this is you, you can satisfy the urge at Merfax (http://www.merfax.com/hats/). The company's web site is about to go offline, "Because of trouble with our suppliers, this site will close down when we run out of hats. Sizes & colours are now limited, so get them while they last." Hell-loh! Opportunity is knocking, weird dudes! How many people do you know who own a rabbit fur felt hat? Or a pigskin? Or a "Statesman Fur Felt Pork Pie"? You'll be the talk of the town, or at least the office water cooler.
We hope this satisfies the hatboy in you. If you have a hat that you love and we didn't mention it, write and tell us (send email to: guyshop@inshop.com). We hope we've inspired you to get your head covered. Happy Shopping!
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